Momma Loves Me
by Apatija
Summary: Cara struggles to connect with her daughter. Warning: fpreg, Cara/Kahlan.


A/N: tried my hand at fluff while I await beta work on the last part of my LotS trilogy lol I hope I accomplished that much...

* * *

Sometimes she wondered if Momma really loved her.

She didn't get to see Momma very often and Mommy told her it was because Momma was always very busy and had things to do but not to be worried because Momma loved her very much.

But it wasn't the same.

Mommy had always been there for her. There were touches, hugs and kisses whenever she needed them. Mommy made her laugh and played with her often. When she was scared Mommy would come in and make her feel better. When she was sick, Mommy cared for her.

She also got to watch Mommy work, sitting in her big chair and talking to big important people who were kings and queens. But Mommy was a lot more special than the kings and queens because she was the one who wore the white dress. Mommy promised that when she grew up she could wear the white dress too and be important.

She didn't know where Momma went to work. Momma just went away.

Mommy made her feel important even when she was covered in mud from playing outside in the rain when she wasn't supposed to.

Sometimes Mommy got mad and yelled at her or took away her toys. She didn't get scared when Mommy got mad, she only felt guilty and sad.

But Momma made her nervous.

Momma was so... strong. She walked around much of the time in dark red clothes, her movements sharp and fast. Momma never played with her or cuddled her. When Momma spoke to her it was always softly and carefully like she was trying not to scare her.

It never really worked.

One time she heard Momma get mad. A little boy had hit her because he was stupid and wanted her to give him her favourite wooden sword that Uncle Richard made her. He smacked her and took the toy so she had cried to Mommy.

She accidentally overheard Momma talk to the little boy's father in the hallway. The voice was scary. It was the scariest voice she ever heard and her legs went so weak she fell over. The man was scared too.

The loud clapping of Momma's heels made her want to run but she couldn't move. She thought she would be in so much trouble but Momma took one look at her big frightened eyes and turned away.

"You should be getting ready for supper."

She had never gotten ready for supper so quickly in her life.

Later she could hear Mommy and Momma arguing. They argued a lot.

It hurt her when they argued. She wished she could understand what made them so angry. She knew part of the problem was that Mommy knew that she and Momma didn't get along so well.

But she was too scared to do anything about it.

Sometimes she wasn't sure she loved Momma either. But she loved a lot of things _about_ her.

Momma liked to stare at her. She loved Momma's eyes. They were green. This clear, cold green that was pretty and strong. So a lot of the time she wanted to stare back but was too shy.

Momma's hair was beautiful too; shiny like the lake and yellow like honey. It looked soft, softer than her kitten Sebastian. While she loved Mommy's dark long hair and she adored playing with it, she always wondered about Momma's hair. She would stare at it all the time when she thought Momma wasn't looking.

And she even liked Momma's strange leather clothes because even though Momma was always working and not really cuddly, whenever she lay on her favourite leather couch she felt like Momma was there. Momma always smelled like leather.

Mommy caught her cuddling a leather pillow once and started crying.

Mommy can be weird too. She didn't understand what was so bad about hugging leather. She liked leather.

Well, not all leather. There was a leather stick that Momma wore that she was never to touch. She tried to once, reaching for it as Momma walked past. Momma's hand was so strong it hurt her wrist bad.

"_Never. _Do you understand me? _Never!_"

Through tears of terror and hurt she promised to never try touching it again. Her wrist had bruised and at night the fighting between her moms was loud. She didn't see Momma for days after.

She didn't like that stick.

Everything about Momma seemed forbidden.

And then one night she got up out of bed awoken by a nightmare. She stepped out into the hallway and made her way over to ask Mommy to go to bed with her. But when she got to the family room she stopped in her tracks and tried to jump back into the corridor before she got caught.

"Why are you awake?" A gentle rough voice murmured.

She swallowed hard, shaking a little from the surprise. Momma was sitting on the leather chair in the dark, wearing a long shirt and her leather pants. The moon was bright behind Momma which made it easier to see.

"I had a bad dream. I want Mommy."

Momma said nothing for such a long time she wondered if she should just try going back to bed. But then Momma moved a little.

"Do you want to... sit in my lap?"

She stared at the dark shape in shock. Without thinking she had already moved until she was standing before Momma, her heart going so fast she didn't know if she was scared or excited. Or both.

She didn't ask why Momma wanted her to sit in her lap because if she asked Momma might just change her mind.

Strong hands easily lifted her up and placed her on even stronger thighs. There was a bit of a struggle because they didn't know how to fit together properly, but eventually she curled up against her Momma securely with Momma's arms wrapped around her tight.

She was so excited she didn't know how she stayed still in Momma's arms. Her eyes were as wide as she could make them so she could look at Momma in the dark but she couldn't see Momma's face.

They said nothing as she openly stared at Momma. She tried to keep still so Momma wouldn't change her mind and put her back down.

"You should go to sleep."

She said nothing, staring at Momma's hair. It looked like silver because of the moon. One of Momma's hands wrapped around her small fist and lifted it up.

"You... you like my hair."

It was good that it was so dark because she blushed so hard at that moment she was sure she looked sick.

Momma leaned forward a bit, making her shiny hair fall over her face. She gasped when Momma lifted her hand up to the silver.

Very carefully, as if it were the most precious toy in the world, she played with Momma's hair. Even when Momma leaned back against the chair again she played with it.

It was just as soft as she thought it would be. And cool to the touch.

With her head tucked under Momma's chin and her hands tangled in Momma's hair her tiny body relaxed in those warm, strong arms.

Momma wasn't as scary as she thought.

It didn't take her very long fall asleep, drooling into Momma's shirt.


End file.
